i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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