I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Thank you for not boning my boss.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
