I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
