I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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