flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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