Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
