I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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