I just pynch a tree in the face
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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