look no pants
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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