Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
