I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
