I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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