even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
