lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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