just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
