Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
