So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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