Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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