Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I want is dick and wine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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