Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
