Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
