Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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