I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
