your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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