She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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