i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
