They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
