I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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