you win again, gameday.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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