If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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