shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
