Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
