Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
