How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
