Porn is love you can see.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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