it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
