whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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