I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
