Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
