If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
