i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
