Yo dont text me then not text me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
