i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
