when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
