Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
