I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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