"it" just moved
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
