like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
