is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
