he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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