Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
