In the future we'll all be gay
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
