my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
