i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
