Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize