well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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