are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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