So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
