Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize