dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm passing your future prison.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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