Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
