Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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