Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
