I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
