I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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