We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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