insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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