I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
