Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize