Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
