Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
