im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
