false alarm. still invincible.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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