I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
