Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
