No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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