She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
