I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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