happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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