How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Send help, water and tortillas.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize