The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Holy shit dude........stairs
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize