I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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