Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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