Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
