I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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