i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
