that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
