found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
