I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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