I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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