If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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