I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
