god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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