I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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