I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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