I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ttyl tear gas
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize