I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
