So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My balls are so social today.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
