There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
