Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
