Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize