so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
