I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize