You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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