Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
