no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
