She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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