this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
