3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
