who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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