I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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