Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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