thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
