apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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