we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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