Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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